battle studies........ "this is not here"

Well, what a fitting day to choose to end my Tumblr blogging (at least for the foreseeable future). Today is my favorite holiday, and a day that I will remember dearly for the rest of my life.

I’m thankful for all of the little things, and the wonderful memories that I have inscribed here, but I know that I’m just not “in it” anymore. I’ve drifted here for a while now, and I just don’t wanna bother with doing something I don’t enjoy. Especially right now in my life.

Maybe it has to do with the “one less follower” I had this morning. Maybe it has to do with the date. Maybe it just has to do with the lack of color I see now. I just know that as much as I love Tumblr, it’s not something I care about as much as I once did. There aren’t anymore battles or wars to take part in. Ironically.

I used to think that I had changed. That I had become a better person, and that I was on the right track, but now I’m beginning to believe I was wrong, because honestly, nothing has changed, and deep down, I can’t find anyone at fault but myself. I have finally become the monster that I always wanted to avoid. No more denying it now.

But maybe that will be ok. I’m strong, and I have the ability to be better than what I am allowing myself to be at this point in my life. I’m young. I can restart. Life changes at a pace that I have never understood, and maybe I can use that momentum to go forward. I can find out how to live and work around it, using it to my benefit. It’s anyone’s guess.

So, I guess this is sayonara. Thanks for the memories and the lessons. I’m grateful. 

“As you slipped away, I found I lost myself in search of you…”